so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
