i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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