Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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