if you like me you must not know who I am
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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