My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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