Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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