i just wanna soil my oats bro
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
