cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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