wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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