VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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