My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
