"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize