I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Girls should come with a carfax report
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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