At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
