I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
