Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
