Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
