just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It was confusing and full of hummus
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
