i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize