omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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