Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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