it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
