i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
