Screwed.edu
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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