i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize