So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
