I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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