How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
