So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she peed on how many people?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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