Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
