How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
