can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
