fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize