i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
