I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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