why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
