Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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