just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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