i used baking grease as lip gloss
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
