i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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