party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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