dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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