my mouth tastes like poor choices
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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