I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
