She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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