The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
