Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
