I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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