I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
