I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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