i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
