check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Dear god my vagina.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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