Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize