Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
