i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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