I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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