I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
