thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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