I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
