you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
