Define "chronic" masturbator.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
