if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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