i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize