Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
