just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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