Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
