college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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