i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
