yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I have aggressive nipples.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
