he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
